Today, more than 30 million Americans are caring for a relative over the age of 65. Many of these cases involve adults who are caring for an aging parent. This phenomenon has become a national trend.
While every situation is unique, several common stressors impact adult children who are faced with this responsibility, and who may not feel fully prepared.
Reversed Roles
As children, we learn that our parents will serve as our primary protectors and caregivers, and we look to them for guidance and leadership. Thus, when medical or financial circumstances force parents to become dependent upon their children, most individuals experience some discomfort with the apparent role reversal.
Dynamics that have been established within the family unit may shift, and both parents and children need to adjust to the new responsibilities that come with their changed roles.
The ‘Sandwich Generation’
Years ago, the sandwich generation referred to those middle-aged folks who were juggling the responsibilities of raising their own children, building their careers, and managing the affairs of their aging parents.
Today, as more people live into their 80s and 90s, many adult children become caregivers just as they are getting ready to retire. Many of these adult children are also saddled with their own age-related health concerns.
These older caregivers may not have the same resources (including energy, finances, and health) as their younger adult counterparts.
Difficult Decisions
As their parents age, adult children are often forced to make decisions to which their parents might object or – at minimum – find very distressing. For example, medical conditions may render it unsafe for an elderly parent to continue driving. This means that adult children may need to put restrictions on their parent’s driving privileges or consult with their parent’s medical providers to have a license officially revoked.
Losing the right to drive can be extremely upsetting to an aging parent, as this will significantly limit their independence and feelings of autonomy.
Similarly, adult children may need to make decisions related to their parent’s housing and medical supervision.
Moving an aging parent into retirement community or nursing home – especially if it is against the parent’s will – is a step that, although often necessary, triggers a variety of difficult and conflicting emotions (such as guilt, sadness, hopelessness, and relief).
Seeking Support
The examples above are just a few of the stressors that adult children face as they walk into the role of caregiver to an elderly parent.
To cope with these challenges, adult children would be wise to seek the following types of support:
Instrumental support – such as assistance with transportation, finances, and tasks related to maintaining the parent’s health
Informational support – such as conducting research and consulting with professionals about their parent’s needs, talking with others about expectations related to their parent’s longevity and capabilities
Emotional support – such as attending support groups for adult caregivers, seeking therapy, or participating in counseling to deal with the emotions that arise during the process
Finally, it can be helpful to remember that the care an adult child provides for an aging parent can be a precious gift that allows the relationship to mature, blossom, and evolve.
Increased time spent together can create opportunities for enriched connections and moments that adult children will cherish for years after their parent passes on.
